Underground Subsistence

When people think of unexplored environments, they think of outer space and alien worlds. Less commonly, they think about the bottom of the ocean, or some liminal cyberspace or innerspace. But there is an even weirder environment much closer to us than any of those. Just go down.

Anyone who has been down into a cave knows things get weird quickly underground. But go down just a few miles and you’re at the mantle, superheated rock kept in solid form purely by the immense lithostatic pressure. Can you imagine what that looks like? It would take some extremely advanced technologies to make it livable in any sense. Just getting there with a drill is at the outer edge of our technological abilities.

How far does life extend down into the earth, and what percentage of the overall biome is subterranean? We know that big animals like ourselves don’t go down very far. Worms go down about a mile. Plants that rely on photosynthesis have a serious, unsurmountable problem. So the life that is deep down there is strange to us — stuff that lives for thousands of years or more, uses very little energy, and feeds on the minerals around it. Single-celled life can be very hardy, but at extreme temperatures cellular structures break down quickly. Organisms that have evolved in the deep have to rely on biological mechanisms that are alien to us surface-dwellers. However, even these extremophiles have their limits. The mantle is most of the volume and mass of the planet. While Earth is thought of as a planet abundant with life, it seems likely to me that most of this rock is as inhospitable and lifeless as Mercury.

While the depths are largely unknown and unexplored, the underground is also our refuge if the worst happens. If the bombs drop, or the big asteroid hits, or our atmosphere is lost, or the planet is thrown out of the Sun’s orbit, I am confident we can survive down there for a long while, with the help of our machines. It has all the building blocks we need, and remains remarkably stable no matter how chaotic things are on the surface. So it’s worth getting to know our underground neighborhood a little better, in case we ever feel the need to crawl into our hidey-holes.

The American Pacifist Tier List

I wrote this back in early 2016. Still holds up, I think.

Level 1: Leeeeeeeeeeeeeroy Jenkins!
Wars Opposed: None

This is the default American position.

Level 2: Going Along With the Crowd
Wars Opposed: Vietnam War, Iraq War

You hated Dick Cheney, just like the rest of your friends. The world admires your courageous moral stand. You are now as pacifist as Donald Trump. [For Hillary Clinton, see Level 1.]

Level 3: Congratulations, You Read a Book
Wars Opposed: Spanish-American War, Philippine-American War, Indian Wars, Mexican-American War

Also known as the “We have more guns, so we are taking your land now” series of wars. And yes, I didn’t make up that Philippine one, which killed hundreds of thousands of people.

Level 4: Sunshine Dissident
Wars Opposed: Korean War, War of 1812, Afghanistan War

You’ve now reached the level where you can acknowledge that the wars the US didn’t win were probably mistakes. This is also the level where you can acknowledge that the US didn’t actually win these wars.

Level 5: Officially a Weirdo
Wars Opposed: World War I, Gulf War

You think US intervention in these wars maybe had some unforeseen negative repercussions later? Whoa whoa whoa… slow that brain down and enjoy how much ass the US kicked, Howard Zinn! Highway of Death, Rock of the Marne, Teufel Hunden! Oorah!

Level 6: You Might Have an FBI File
Wars Opposed: All minor wars and military operations

This includes your Grenadas, your Libyas, your Kosovos, Operation Power Pack, and that time the US invaded Siberia. Basically all the military action that people around the world remember as the most important thing to ever happen in their region, but no one in the United States has ever heard of, because a new season of Luke Cage just hit the Netflix servers.

Level 7: Say Goodbye to Polite Society
Wars Opposed: US Civil War

You apparently think we could have ended slavery without killing a million mostly non-slave-owning Americans. What are you, some kind of racist?

Level 8: Red Pill Pacifist
Wars Opposed: World War II

Either you are kinda serious about opposing war, or you just really like anime. Whatever arguments you muster, normal people will only hear “I’m okay with gas chambers.” Plus, if the US never entered the war, who would have saved Joseph Stalin?

Level 9: Sissy
Wars Opposed: Revolutionary War

Sure, the whole patriot movement was based on a totally bogus conspiracy theory about British intentions in North America, but let’s face it: you are implicitly endorsing the idea of the United States being just like Canada. Back bacon, curling, waterfowl on the money, Molson…. the whole nine yards. Or is it “8.2 metres” to you? Pull yourself together, hoser.

Level 10: Traitor
Wars Opposed: The next war

You hate America, the troops, and our freedoms. You have been brainwashed by enemy propaganda and conspiracy theories, and are effectively an internal enemy yourself. You fully endorse every bad thing the enemy has done, or could conceivably do in the future without US intervention. You completely lack loyalty, bravery, masculinity, and honor. Your words and beliefs are getting Americans killed. This is the most extreme form of pacifism… pacifism when it matters.